Hi everyone,
Here's one about taking games way too seriously.
I used to think that I wasn't competitive at all, that was my sister's thing. She became a professional athlete and put it to good use, but growing up every game was a bloodbath. Parcheesi was a nightmare, Monopoly was pure violence, and my mom had to get rid of Sorry! just to maintain the structural integrity of our home. Obviously I wasn't passive; it takes coordination to create that much chaos over a board game. But I never felt that intensity around winning or losing any particular game. So I figured: not competitive, just mad at my sister, case closed.
When I turned 30, I started training jiu jitsu. And I was genuinely startled to learn that I'm competitive, I just need to care about the game. I felt these huge waves of a brand new feeling: wanting to beat someone at something. I literally had no idea I could feel that way and it freaked me out.
I was afraid I'd hurt someone, or embarrass myself by going way too hard. I was timid for a long time. After training I would go home and be consumed with anxiety, so worried that I'd not been "chill" enough. I apologized for submitting people.
But... I am, as it turns out, competitive af. So I also loved it.
The first time I subbed someone for real, it lit my brain on fire (I completely wrecked him you guys, it was so sick). I did apologize to him after, but I also felt like maybe I could fly now.
So I stuck with it, and slowly but surely, I got comfortable being competitive. Now people that train with me are genuinely surprised that I used to be timid.
Jiu jitsu has taught me so many things, a big one being that it's okay to not be chill.
Don't try and make yourself be chill if you're not chill.
Let it off the leash sometimes. It's fun.
More soon,
Janie
p.s. feel the need to say my sister and I get along very well now and she's awesome. I would still be afraid to play a board game with her though.